Absolve Me
by golden doe
Summary: "I am not God, Sasuke"—the loss of the honorific she'd always attached to his name drilled a hole through his heart—"I cannot absolve you from your sins," she tells him. "But do you forgive me?" he asks, hopeful though he does not show it.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: "I am not God, Sasuke"—the loss of the honorific she'd always attached to his name drilled a hole through his heart—"I cannot absolve you from your sins," she tells him. "But do you forgive me?" he asks, hopeful though he does not show it. An achingly painful smile touched her lips. "That is the question, isn't it?" she says softly, a hint of bitterness lacing her words.

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><p><em>Because she said,<em>

_"I'd rather wear your blood on my clothes like a trophy than see you fall deeper than you already have."_

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><p><em><em>i.

Too long had been the time since the young Uchiha associated Konohagakure with the word "home". Longer even was the time he last saw the place that was his birthplace, where beautiful and terrible memories alike originated. Though not too long was the last time he ventured the same path he was currently threading towards the village, this time however, it wasn't his self-assembled team accompanying him (with the purpose to annihilate the place he once called home) but two masked members of the ANBU by his either side (to either ensure he arrives to the village safely or simply because no one trusted him anymore), both of which were personally chosen and assigned by the Hokage to escort him to answer for the crimes he committed. He wasn't restrained though; not that it was needed, of course. Besides, it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.

At that last train of thought, the young raven-haired man scowled. Obviously, the eighteen months he spent in that horrendous prison underground of the Land of Iron—sentenced by the hot-headed Raikage, was not enough.

In all honestly, though he would never admit it out loud, it wasn't the trial nor the punishment awaiting him that made him wary about his "homecoming," as the dobe had eloquently dubbed it. The apprehension he was feeling wasn't the result of the crimes he committed against the village, the nation, nor the whole world; it was the crime he committed when he was thirteen, the night he left the village, and the unforgivable actions he did when he was sixteen, on the Land of Iron, against a certain girl who her namesake always reminded him of. Don't get him started with the unspeakable action he was _manipulated_ to do amidst the chaos of the Fourth Shinobi War.

Speaking of the Great War, he wondered how she was now. The injuries she suffered from his Chidori was fatal, and there was nothing he could do, as her blood splattered all over his clothes, soaked his hand, then collapsing in his arms.

Naruto told him, a couple of weeks into his imprisonment, that his 'beloved Sakura-_chan_ is well and alive.' Heck, as a matter of fact, despite the life-threatening injuries she suffered, she was already out and about.

_Out and about_... huh? Yet, in the year and a half he spent in an underground prison, she _never_ ever visited him.

"Sakura has more important, pressing matters to attend to," he was insolently informed by the voluptuous blonde Hokage when he demanded _once_ of her presence.

_Important pressing matters_... my ass, he sourly thought. It was obvious she was avoiding him. Not that he could blame her. After all the things that went between them, her interaction with him—or lack, thereof—was tolerable enough.

Then, as the three of them approached the tall imposing gates of the Konoha, he caught a glimpse of pink, teasing his eyes.

tbc.

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><p>inspiration: we were discussing about reconciliation during my religion class when the light bulb lit up.<br>note(s): this is a multi-chaptered drabble fic. set _post_-shinobi war.  
>challenge-to-self: first <em>canon<em> fic. and point of view must be only through _sasuke's eyes_ (hinthint!)

reviews are highly appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

_Only _he_ turned the blade on her, and wore her blood on his clothes instead._

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><p>ii.<p>

There wasn't supposed to be anything wrong with the picture before him. It was supposed to be a picture perfect. The dobe, still the blonde knucklehead that he was, had that ever so contagious cheerful grin on his face, as he stood by the entrance gates. Next to him, was the sensei who taught him what he developed to be his deadly jutsu—Kakashi, uncharacteristically on time despite his notoriety for tardiness. Even Sai, his _replacement_, he thought with a scowl, was there standing behind the one he was (_not-so_—he's in denial, you see) ecstatic to see.

The color of her hair was still the pink befitting her name, its length considerably longer, past her shoulders, and it made her look more mature. Her eyes, the shining green eyes that were always so expressive, were soft with nostalgia as she gazed towards him with a smile on her lips; though there was an air of detachment about her, he chose to ignore it. Apart from the length of her hair, she was still the Sakura he knew...

At least he_ thought so_ until his gaze moved from her face, down to her cradling arms, where the 'thing' that made the whole picture before wrongwrongwrong in every essence of the word.

Somehow, for unknown reason, stoic, passive _Uchiha Sasuke—_yes, _the_ Uchiha Sasuke—couldn't believe and accept that _right there_ in Haruno Sakura's arms laid a baby. A... baby.

Baby...

His mind couldn't just accept it; a baby laid in her arms.

Don't tell him that in the eighteen months he spent on that dreary prison, while he wallowed in self-pity and guilt because he almost killed her (both intentionally and accidentally), that this girl who haunted his sleep with nightmares... moved on and got—

He gulped while he gritted his teeth, still unable to accept the fact before him.

—pregnant.

A distant memory from when he was thirteen started replaying.

_"I love you with all my heart!"_

All the more showing him why the picture before him was not as perfect as it should've been.

She wasn't supposed to move on, much less have a son who was not his.

_Or maybe_, a sudden thought dawned upon him, _those words that left her lips that night when they were thirteen were nothing _but_ a desperate attempt to keep him from leaving—_

He didn't want to think about it anymore. All that he knew was that Sakura lied to him... though part of him wanted to believe (desperately wanted to believe) that maybe, she didn't really lie to him—because that night meant a lot to him and he wouldn't allow her to ruin it.

[That night became his lifeline, something to cling to.]

If that it so, however... then she betrayed him.

tbc.

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><p>i intended to update on a weekly basis, but i realized i'm gonna be busy for the whole week so here it is.<p>

loved the reviews. _thanks a bunch_ for those who went through all the trouble of reviewing. i hope the plot will satisfy you guys.

and oh yeah, just so you guys know, the SasuSaku will take time before it develops.

[reviews are highly appreciated]


	3. Chapter 3

iii.

Standing before another demanding blonde for a whole hour was excruciatingly painful. The Hokage was lenient, much more forgiving than the Raikage, but it didn't stop her from sentencing him six months of house arrest—two shinobi from the Konoha 11 were to 'look after' (or "babysit" as that stupid usoratonkachi referred to it) him, two years of D-ranked mission—not including the community service he had to serve for at least two hours a week, before he'd be accepted back to the village as a citizen and should he wish to do so, be reinstated to be a Konoha shinobi.

Not to mention, he would still need to take the Chunin exams and whatnot to rise above the ranks of Shinobi. He almost scoffed before her.

_Tch_, he thought smugly with a smirk, _as if my skills aren't enough._

"I also suggest that he undergo psychoanalysis, shishou," for the first time since his arrival, his female teammate had spoken. Her voice had matured, if that was possible, within the eighteen months he last saw her.

It was a breath of fresh air to learn that to hear her speak. He was beginning to interpret her silence as 'muteness'—which was what he feared to be a cause from the current of Chidori he stabbed through her being during the war.

The content of her words made him frown though. Was she serious? She wanted him to undergo through psychoanalysis? Heck, there was no way he'd seat for at least an hour for a 'therapy session' and talk about his thoughts and…ugh.

Onyx eyes narrowed into a glare, in which he sent to the direction of the pink-haired girl (womanwomanwoman, his mind reminded him) who suggested the ridiculous idea, before addressing the Hokage.

"I believe there is no need for that," he gritted out, scowling. And there was no need for such unnecessary measures; there was nothing wrong with him.

The blonde woman narrowed her own hazel eyes, calculating, glancing between her apprentice and the black-haired boy before her.

She sighed.

"Sakura," she started, "if he is to undergo psychological evaluation, you'd be the one to supervise his therapy."

He stiffened, and next to him, he felt Sakura do the same.

"Very well then, shishou."

tbc.

there is a reason why Sakura recommended the psycho-thingy, and there will be a _hint_ on the next chapter (kind of). and thanks a lot for the reviews! i love hearing your thoughts.

[reviews are highly appreciated]


	4. Chapter 4

iv.

_It was the perfect plan. Considering_her_heritage and bloodline, it was a formidable plan. Not to mention, his Mangekyou Sharingan made it more than perfect._

_They were a dangerous pair, indeed._

_After all, if they weren't, they wouldn't have made quite a reputation throughout the Five Great Nations at such a ripe age of thirteen._

_An Uchiha and an Uzumaki._

_It was unheard of, yet very intimidating._

"_I refuse to sacrifice a life for a jutsu such as the Edo Tensei."_

_It was nothing he didn't expect, of course. He'd known her her whole life; he knew she'd react this way._

"_One life for the sake of many," he told her, "including_their_legacy."_

_He deliberately added the last line to persuade her; it was her weakness._

_Whatever guilt he used to feel before whenever he'd exploit her weakness was long gone. They were Shinobi. They had duty to their village—albeit one that viewed him as a criminal and_her_to be dead for about seven years._

_Any woman in her situation would have trembled, bit her lower lip, avoid his gaze, fidget and the whatnot things the opposite sex always did when under pressure or faced with a difficult circumstance._

_She was not any woman, though._

_She was the woman who he'd yet to see shed a single tear._

_She was the woman who would kill on cold blood._

_The woman who_he couldn't _kill—not out of gentlemanliness but because of her own prowess as a kunoichi._

_Thus, she stood before him, with an apathetic facade masquerading the maelstrom of conflict and turmoil she ought to be feeling._

_Her_green _eyes shining in determination._

"Very well, then."

tbc.

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><p>[reviews are highly appreciated]<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

v.

By the end of their 'therapy session,' Sakura stood up to walk over the stroller parked next to the window.

He didn't understand the purpose of this "psychoanalysis" as Sakura had called it.

He wasn't insane, and Sakura appeared to have known that. So why all the bullshit?

Their sessions consisted of questions he, more often than not, refused to answer. Honestly, he couldn't believe that _after all this time, she was still annoying_ as hell. However, it appeared she had an ulterior motive, so he didn't comment on it. And he was almost certain it had something to do with the baby that she almost never failed to carry around as if flaunting to his face how far she was over him.

As he watched _her_, he thought back to the dream he had the other night. The images were nothing but a blur but the feelings, the thoughts... they were so vivid as if they were his own. While the dream disturbed him, he decided not to confide about it to her, at least not yet until he figured it out—_if_ he'd figure it out.

Sakura bent over to take the baby into her arms, and carried him over to him.

It was the closest proximity he had with the baby, so he never got the chance to take a really good look at him. Though the darkness of the young innocent boy's hair was unmistakably the same shade of his own; that particular observation wove a fantasy where the child was his and not someone else's.

Then he frowned. So far, his pink-haired (former—_he'd never failed to remind himself_) teammate had been spending her time with him for their little 'sessions' and more often than not, she'd bring the child along.

It had made him wonder who the father was. All the time.

As he was about to voice his curiosity, she spoke softly.

"You should hold him."

And he had to look up to her because her tone reminded him of the days back when they were all genin (_because unlike him and Naruto_, whenever that thought would occur to his mind, his ego only further deflated, _she'd already passed the Chunin exams_).

Before he could protest though when he finally realized what she just said, the baby was gently placed in his arms, her warm hands carefully arranging his arms to accommodate the baby.

Sasuke gulped. He wasn't sure if the weird tingling he was feeling was due to the bundle of joy in his arms or a result of Sakura's warm soft touch. He'd never felt anything like it before. The feeling of carrying a baby, a being so innocent of the cruelty of the world they live in, in his arms—the arms tainted with blood and death and all the gruesome mistakes, against his chest, for the first time was indescribable. Was this how his mother felt when she first carried him? His father? His brother?

_His brother..._

He looked down on the innocent child and to his _horror_, a pair of tear troughs resembling his brother's adorned the boy's face.

_Could this child be...?_

Then the baby raised his eyelids, revealing a pair of green eyes... familiar yet not really. He looked up to Sakura, who was gazing with them with a soft smile on her lips, into her eyes.

Her green eyes.

He returned his gaze back to the child's eyes. They were green, as well. Though they were unlike Sakura's, there was something familiar about them, something nostalgic...

A satisfied sigh escaped the woman standing before him, making him aware of her presence. He almost forgot she was even there. He lifted his head to look at the pink-haired woman, and was surprised at the expression on her face—an expression he couldn't quite... identify. Nonetheless, it made his heart beat faster.

The next words that left her lips made his heart halt its rapid thumpthumpthump he thought he'd have a heart attack.

"You guys look good together."

tbc.

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><p>note(s): many reviewers expressed how they wanted longer chapters, so here it is! the thing i dislike about writing longer chapters though, is that i feel i bore my readers, that's why i keep it as short as i could.<p>

while i'm very grateful to all the reviewers of chapter 3 and 4, i am very disappointed with the lack of response... especially with the previous chapter. i was actually hoping that someone would ask what the hell it was all about but no one did, sadly.

just a heads up though, expect more vague (and short) chapters like chapter 4 does not make sense like that almost every now and then.

btw, i know all you have been wondering about the baby's identity and while some of you guessed it _quite_ correctly... i won't reveal it until a couple more chapters.

to **Pockybandits89**: thanks for sharing your knowledge about psychoanalysis. that's exactly what i had in mind when i decided to introduce it on the story.

[reviews are highly appreciated.]


	6. Chapter 6

**Previously...**

The next words that left her lips made his heart halt its rapid thumpthumpthump he thought he'd have a heart attack.

"You guys look good together."

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><p>vi.<p>

_Waking up to a half empty house and the pitter-patter of the crying heaven, one look at the calendar and a pointed look from his mother, told him all there was to know._

_It was that day of the year again._

_"Good morning," he greeted softly as he entered the dining room, where his little brother was sitting by himself._

_"Good morning, nii-san," the younger boy mumbled in a state of half-awake. He almost chuckled at that; his little brother was just simply too adorable._

_Taking his seat next to the little kid, he frowned as he took in the unoccupied seat across him. The frown only deepened when he saw the untouched plateful of breakfast sitting there._

_That girl, he thought, she must've gotten up early. Again._

_Even though his mother didn't say anything as she placed his own plateful of breakfast in front of him, the bento that was placed next to his plate by his mother further confirmed his suspicions._

_Thus eating as quickly as he could, he grabbed the bento, said a quick 'ja'ne' to his mother and brother, before disappearing to the endless droplets of water from the skies above._

_Having known her since they could barely crawl, despite not being a sensor-type ninja, he'd been greatly attuned to her chakra, allowing him to easily locate her. Oddly though, not whenever that day arrives during the year. He could never seem to find her during this particular day of the year. It could probably have something to do with the fact that every single corner of the village was radiating with her chakra._

_The sun was yet to rise, but with the dark heavy clouds hovering above, he wondered whether she'd be able to accomplish the feat she'd always achieved for the past three years._

_Unless, she lighten things a little of course—that would be a piece of cake for someone her calibre. Her chakra control was the best he'd seen so far; it would've been a waste of talent had he failed to convince her to attend the Academy._

_He didn't know how long he searched for her, the bento still clutched on his hand, but when he finally caught sight of her long striking red hair hanging off a tree branch, the once heavy downpour had subsided into drizzles._

_In such stillness that even some Jonin didn't possess, he jumped onto the tree branch where she was perched on._

_"You should let it out." Because it wasn't healthy._

_Any other person would've been surprised at his voice, but she didn't even flinch._

_"I am letting it out," she responded quietly._

_Touché._

_He sighed. True enough, she was. He just didn't agree with the way she was doing it._

_Her method was starting to cause inconvenience to the villagers. And she had been doing it for four years._

_Sighing—silently this time, he sat beside her, watching as droplets of water continued to shower from the skies._

_Silence engulfed them, except the pitter-patter of the rain until the downpour subsided—rather, until she released the jutsu—that was followed by a gigantic arch of seven colours._

_"Sugoi!"_

_The two young Chunin looked down at the loud exclaim below them. It was a blonde-haired boy about the age of his younger brother—it was him. And he couldn't help but notice how as the boy grew up he looked more like his father yet acted like his mother._

_The boy's bright blue eyes shone with glee and happiness._

_As reminiscent of the sacrifices, losses and last but not the least, the gift that was a legacy that occurred that fateful day..._

_...on the tenth day of the tenth month for another four years, rain would engulf the Village Hidden in the Leaves._

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><p>When eighteen-year-old Uchiha Sasuke opened his eyes that morning, several weeks had passed since he returned to the village he not-too long ago aimed to eradicate down to its very last child, he expected another boring day until Sakura shows up on his doorstep with the pram for their daily one hour sessions. Well, the last part of that sentence happened except it was three hours earlier and without the one hour sessions.<p>

The moment the young Uchiha answered his door, completely bewildered at the uncharacteristically early but frequent visitor, who entered his house in a flash of pink and red, pushing through the door frantically as she said strings of words that he couldn't quite catch save for "late," "mission," "appreciate," "look after" and "thank you" before she bolted out of the house.

As his door closed with a quiet thud, it was only then that he realized that two diaper bags were sitting in his couch, where the pram was parked next to.

Remembering the pieces of words he caught earlier, filling in the blanks and putting them together, also adding the items the pink-haired kunoichi left in his humble abode did Sasuke fully grasped the situation.

And damn, because he was in babysitting duty.

Another damn when he realized that while Sakura's out in a mission—possibly a dangerous one without him to protect her—he was left to do a housewife's chore.

tbc.

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><p><strong>thank you so much for the reviews! the numbers improved a bit so a BIG THANK YOU! really.<strong>

**n**ote(s): _i'm ending it there!_ sorry, it's supposed to be a longer chapter but i have a feeling i was giving away too much so i'm posting the rest as vii (i'll upload this within 2 days if i get satisfied with the amount of reviews, otherwise, this will be next week).

besides, this is really a difficult chapter to write. not to mention i've been busy as hell to the extent i wrote the second part during a train ride. therefore i apologize for any mistakes. and i can't believe i missed my weekly update for last week! so i'm really sorry :(

**r**eview response(s): to **maximumride24,** when i was planning the format for this fic i considered putting a recap for every chapter but because of the italicized scenes, i was afraid it might confuse readers. but well, because you requested it, there you go!

**a**dditional note(s): uhm, i was writing viii when i realized i was careless about the time frame but i'll explain it on chapter eight. AND i posted about how _Absolve Me_ became a story in lj but there's a lot of spoilers. oh yeah about the Christmas update I will do; shall i post it on my Christmas (i'm in the southern hemisphere) or shall i post it on American Christmas?

[reviews are highly appreciated.]


	7. Chapter 7

considering this was originally part of the previous chapter, here it is.

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><p><strong>Previously...<strong>

Another damn when he realized that while Sakura's out in a mission—possibly a dangerous one without him to protect her—he was left to do a housewife's chore.

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><p>vii.<p>

While he was thankful that he didn't have to answer Sakura's awkward questions, he wanted her company. No, he wasn't missing her. It was just... her presence was like—

[_"We are a family of Shinobi..."_]

Sasuke closed his eyes. The voices in his head were annoying as hell. It was like his head was playing host to a forum of sorts. A forum between two people, a man and a woman but sometimes, a boy and a girl. They appear in his head during the day, while dreams occupy his sleep at night. Sometimes the voices even overlap in his dreams. It was quite exhausting actually.

The dreams. He was beginning to doubt whether they were really just dreams; they seemed too real to be just dreams. Also... there was one time when he saw... his younger self, his parents.

He wondered whether should be telling all these to Sakura. After all, she was the one responsible for his psychoanalysis and she told him to tell him if _anything_ comes up. In the end he decided against it. He didn't really want her poking around his head.

.

He fell asleep with Chichi resting atop his chest on the sofa and he couldn't deny the warmth such a small being could be so soothing and calming. Again, the thought _if_ this was _his_ child, would it feel this good? Or would it feel better? He didn't think there was anything better than this.

Sasuke was aware the baby wasn't his; heck, he'd never done _it_. Besides, Sasuke knew that the baby was undeniably his brother's, he just wanted the confirmation that Sakura seemed to have became an expert to avoid.

The identity of the mother was still questionable though. Sasuke refused to believe that simply because the baby was in Sakura's care that she was the mother. The green eyes the boy possessed were a given fact that the mother had green eyes. It didn't mean it had to be Sakura, though. Simply because she also had the same colours of eyes that she was the mother.

_Yeah,_ a voice sneered in his head, _keep telling that to yourself._

Sasuke also liked to add the fact that Sakura's figure was not like that of a woman who underwent through pregnancy, not that he was ogling her. Not to mention, he'd never seen her... breastfeed the boy like he'd seen mothers; it was always through bottles.

The young uncle looked down at the boy that was his nephew, who was still fast asleep on his chest. His older brother sacrificed his life for his, for the village... and how he was dead, leaving a son behind.

[_"Don't you remember what Shisui-san told us? About a Shinobi's duty to his own village?"_]

Ignoring the woman's voice in his head, Sasuke decided that he would raise the young boy to be a strong Shinobi stronger than any—

_"He will grow up to be a Konoha shinobi, far stronger than his father and those who came before him," a woman's voice was saying, her tone lilting teasingly._

_"I will hold you onto your word," a masculine voice, quite familiar, softly uttered._

_The darkness began to fade into a blur _that was familiar to Sasuke; blur he came to associate with deteorating eyesight.

"_I will name him after you..."_

_Despite the blur, he could still make out the familiar woman's figure. But though her long hair was no longer the crimson that was remarkable of her clan instead replaced with the dark ebony locks that the Uchiha clan was renowned for. A smile touched his lips when he saw that her eyes were still the green that they always were._

_He couldn't believe that he was still impressed after all these years with her exceptional chakra control. To be able to perform a henge and maintain it for ten years with the little chakra she currently possessed due to the several chakra seals she placed in her own body to live as a civilian was simple remarkable._

_Sometimes—no, he always hated himself for dragging her into this mess. Because of him, she could no longer return home; everyone thought her to be long dead—_

"_You're making that face again, 'Tachi-kun."_

"_That face?"_

"_Yes, that face when you are thinking about things you shouldn't be thinking."_

"_A—"_

"_I chose this, Itachi."_

"_Do you love me?"_

_Onyx eyes gazed unwaveringly into emerald, searching for the answer he knew he'd find in her eyes._

tbc.

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><p><strong>apologies to people expecting a chapter where sasuke would babysit a kid; i skipped it because i want to get on the story.<em> and thanks to all who reviewed!<em>**

**n**ote(1): i really felt guilty about demanding reviews but i was a bit depressed and needed some words of encouragement_—_the new fic i'm working on makes me literally cry tears.

**n**ote(2): uhm, about longer chapters. i think i can accommodate faster updates, but not longer chapters. i am terribly bad at transitions between scenes and i thought that jumping from chapter to chapter would help cover that up. btw, expect staggering updates after Christmas; worse, before Christmas even.

**n**ext chapter: _the truth about the baby. _or at least, the parents' identities. (dammit! this was supposed to be my xmas gift to you but ugh... well, i love this fic too much and you are guys are becoming increasingly supportive. and luckily i already finished ix. so xi. should be the new xmas update.)

[reviews are highly appreciated.]


	8. Chapter 8

**Previously...**

"_I chose this, Itachi."_

"_Do you love me?"_

_Onyx eyes gazed unwaveringly into emerald, searching for the answer he knew he'd find in her eyes._

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><p>viii.<p>

He felt his world start to shake. At first, slowly but only momentarily later the shaking increased. The dream began to fade into darkness but not before seeing _the_ _answer in those green eyes_ and it took the sleeping young man another moment to realize that someone was trying to shake him awake. Soon, as he began to slip back into consciousness he felt the two hands—soft and small—grasping his shoulders to shake him.

He knew who it was before his lids opened to allow his dark eyes to see. He could feel her hovering above him and smell the familiar scent that was so _her_.

When his eyelids finally opened, his eyes easily found the kunoichi's face that was hovering above his own. His eyes first found her lips, pink and plump, then rose up to where her nose was, until his pair of onyx eyes met the emerald—her face a painting of concern.

With the details of the dream still fresh in his mind, Sasuke gazed into Sakura's eyes.

Again, black connected with green. Yet what he found in her green eyes was different with that he'd seen in the dream.

In her eyes, he saw _his own_ reflection. Not Itachi's.

Not his older brother's reflection, but his own.

No matter how many times he repeated it in his head, no matter how many times and ways he rephrased it, the fact that looking in Sakura's eyes... he could only see himself didn't change.

No one else.

That in itself brought a ghost of smile in Uchiha Sasuke's face.

And Sasuke had the strong urge to grasp her chin, pull her face back towards his, so he could continue to see his self in her eyes when the connection was broken because Sakura blinked and pulled away.

A baby's cry brought the young Uchiha out of his trance and that was only when he realized that the bundle of warmth that occupied the top of his chest was long gone.

Fuck, just _how long_ was he asleep? Better yet, _when_ did he fall asleep?

Sasuke could not believe he'd been so damn careless. He fell asleep with a baby resting atop his chest. It was fortunate the boy did not fall over. Stupid annoying dreams.

The dream.

Who was that... woman? Dark ebony hair. Green eyes. Familiar green eyes—

"Sasuke?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you hold Chichi-chan while I prepare his milk?"

"Hn."

Chichi stopped crying when Sakura placed him in Sasuke's arms. Instead the baby stared up to the man with wide green eyes.

A relieved sigh escaped Sasuke's lips and he could not help the smirk tugging at his lips. No wonder it was familiar; looks like he was worried for nothing.

The pink-haired woman returned momentarily with a bottle of milk. Even though she tried to hide it, Sasuke could see that she looked tired. Her usually graceful gait swayed as she moved, and her eyes reflected the tiredness she felt.

"I'll feed him," he told her, "just rest for a bit."

Sakura flashed him a tired smile before settling on his other couch but Sasuke did not miss the air of detachment about her again—the one she seemed to emit whenever she was around him. She always tried to act amiable whenever with him but otherwise she seemed like she did not want to be with him; as if he was an allergy she wanted to avoid

Silence overtook the apartment, and somehow the normally silent man didn't like it so he started a conversation.

"That was fast," he remarked.

If the kunoichi was surprised at his uncharacteristic attempt of starting a conversation, she did not show it; she only turned to look at him before a smug smile lit up her face.

"It was pretty easy."

"Aa."

Silence occupied the living room again, but this time he did not find it too awkward. Then she spoke up.

"I'm sorry I just left like that but thanks for looking after Itachi-chan—"

"I...ta...chi...chan?" Sasuke immediately interjected, the name uttered by her lips repeated in his own in a slow, uncertain manner. "Did you just...?"

Sakura sat up, moving to face him. The smug smile left her lips and was instead replaced by a grim line.

"Yes, Sasuke. Itachi. Uchiha Itachi is that baby's name. And he's your nephew."

The woman before him went straight to the point and did not leave any spaces for him to interrupt. And while Sasuke appreciated that she went straight to the point, he did not like the fact that he only learned the truth that day.

He did not speak for several moments, until the silence dragged out uncomfortably between them, creating a tense atmosphere.

"Why are you only telling me this now?" he bit out, gritting his teeth to control his anger.

"I couldn't find a better timing," she responded in a quiet voice, as if ashamed.

"And_ this_ is the better timing?"

"I just didn't want to drag it out any longer than I—"

"Or were you just ashamed to admit you carried a bastard child?" Sasuke all but roared, and he most probably would've if not for the sleeping child in his arms.

Sakura's lips fell into a gape, while her green eyes were wide with shock... hurt... anger.

"Did you just – did you think that – you thought Itachi's my child?"

Sasuke blinked, before his eyes narrowed again. "Are you insinuating this child is not yours?"

"Insinuating? Insinuating!" Sakura stood as she exclaimed, obviously feeling incredulous, then she looked at him straight in the eye as she deadpanned "Sasuke, I'm not insinuating. Because I really am not that boy's mother. Hell, the boy's almost two years old. Are you suggesting I was pregnant during... the war?"

Sasuke fell silent. He noticed the slight falter at the end of her monologue and he was glad Sakura refrained from mentioning their messy encounter on the Land of Iron—a messy encounter they were yet to settle.

It was one of the things he wished he could erase and redo, ever since he started feeling remorse for the first time for all he had done, he wasn't glad to recall that Team Seven reunion.

His eyesight was deteriorating then and Sakura was no more than just a blur. However despite the lack of sight and coat she was wearing that fateful day, there was no way she could've been pregnant during that time. Her movements were too graceful to be that of a pregnant woman's.

Wait, didn't he just come to a conclusion when Sakura went to prepare the boy's milk that she wasn't the mother? What the hell was wrong with him?

Sasuke could only sigh inwardly. How could've been so stupid? One moment he reached a conclusion then the next he jumped into another one, that was completely different. Neither spoke for a long moment, and silence once again fell between them. The hardened green eyes were into glaring at him, her lips in a thin line and he could feel her anger emanating. Of course, while he admitted his mistaken judgement and conclusion regarding the boy's parentage due to his, there was no way he'd admit his mistakes _to_ her and apologise.

_He_ did not apologise. Ever.

However, he also knew for a fact that Sakura won't apologise. He was the one who wronged her. Not the other way around.

But he was Uchiha Sasuke and he did not apologise.

However, he also knew for a fact that if he didn't apologise he won't be able to repair the broken relationship between them.

But—oh, if he continue that thought again then he'd accomplish nothing. He stared at the seething pink-haired woman and though glad as he was to know she wasn't the mother, he wondered how she came into possession of the boy; though the greater mystery was the identity of the real mother. It was also obvious that Sakura knew who the mother was and as much as Sasuke wanted to ask—he looked at the crawling crack on his floor that originated from where Sakura was tapping her foot in anger—he'd just find another better time to.

Sighing, Sasuke decided to break the agonizing silence.

"So why the hell do you call him Chichi?"

"Oh," was the only thing she could utter at his sudden change of topic, "Well, Naruto wasn't comfortable calling him your brother's name so... he came up with the nickname."

"That was the best he could come up with?"

There was a slight pause before Sakura released a string of giggles at the realization that Uchiha Sasuke just made a joke.

The feminine laugh that was soon joined by a brief masculine chuckle echoed in the apartment.

Looking at the woman giggling behind her palm in his living room, Sasuke liked to think everything was alright.

tbc.

* * *

><p>and OMG! the truth is out! so expect more SasuSaku hopefully—though i still have to reveal the truth about "the other woman"<p>

**n**ote(s): who agrees that it isn't SasuSaku without a jealous!Sasuke? (hinthint!) AND who else was annoyed with _Naruto 567_? One coloured page? Seriously? Why does Kishimoto-sensei keep on teasing us like this? btw, sorry for the mistakes, i fell asleep when i was supposed to be proofreading this.

**t**rivia (for those who didn't or haven't read my lj post 'The Story Behind _Absolve Me_'): this story is originally an ItaOC fic.

[reviews are highly appreciated.]


	9. Chapter 9

MERRY CHRISTMAS! It's already Christmas here in Down Under so, here's my gift to you all. It's not as great as the previous chapter though—enjoy!

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><p>ix.<p>

_The moon was full that night, a bright light illuminating all that were drowned in the darkness of the evening._

_The village was already fast asleep, a complete silence about but the chirping of the crickets and the rustles of the leaves._

_There was a trashcan sitting next to a bench, shadowed by the trees—where he was standing next to, hidden._

_Soon, the sound of the soft yet slow approaching footsteps began to invade the stillness and peace of the night._

_He fought the smirk that itched his lips. While he was smug because he'd been able to predict her again, the fact that she was here, not in her bedroom where she should've been sleeping felt like a stab to his heart._

_He predicted this, yet now that it was really happening... he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to accept it._

_He was aware that he knew nothing of her pain, of her loss but wasn't—_

"_It's the middle of the night," her voice disrupted his thoughts, "aren't you supposed to be in bed?"_

"_I could say the same thing about you," he responded evenly, as he watched her figure walk past him. The red swirl of her clan stitched on her backpack against her back stood prominently, confirming his suspicions._

_He felt his heart sank when he saw that her steps didn't falter; her gait purposeful._

"_Touché," the word was uttered so softly it could've been a whisper of the wind._

_There was nothing he could do but watch as she continued to step further away from him._

"_What are you doing here anyway?" she asked, as her steps slowed to a halt though her back remained facing him._

"_This is the only road..." he hesitated, not wanting to say the words because it meant he'd be acknowledging it out loud, "leading out of the village."_

"_You should go to bed," as she said this, her head tilted to her side, "it's way past Sasuke-chan's—"_

"_Why Ayaka?" he all but shouted to the darkness of the night. She had already walked so faraway not even the moonlight could show her figure. "Why won't you tell me anything?"_

["Why Sasuke...why won't you ever tell me anything? Why is it always silence with you?"]

_They might've been close friends, childhood friends, who spent every single day together, but she's always sheltered herself from everyone, even from him._

_She didn't say anything, but didn't move. And for that, he was already thankful. In his arms, his almost three-month-old baby brother shifted. He didn't really want to bring Sasuke out this late night, considering the growing coldness in the season, but his parents weren't home._

"_Where will you go if you leave? There's nowhere else for you to go, anyway."_

"_There's nothing else to stay for either."_

_Nothing else to stay for? Not even me? He wanted to ask, but he was afraid of the answer that will leave her lips._

_Then she continued, her tone so weary for a five-year-old girl. "I'm not even allowed to look after Naruto."_

["Don't do this, Sasuke! You don't have to be alone!"]

_He agreed that it was unfair and irrational that the only living relative, albeit not biologically, the orphaned boy had left was not allowed to look after him. It was too cruel. He believed that the Hokage was being ridiculously paranoid, and his reason that if Ayaka was to be associated with the boy then his relationship with the late Fourth Hokage would be revealed—a secret they were adamant to keep._

"_What about me?" he finally asked, "If there's nothing else to stay for, can't you at least stay... for me?"_

["Sasuke, I'm so in love with you I can't even stand it! If you would only be with me, I promise I'd never let you regret it. Everyday will be a joy. I can give you happiness! I'll do anything for you, Sasuke! So please I'm begging you, don't walk away!"]

_She'd been his constant. Someone who'd been there with him his whole childhood. The only one outside his clan who'd been close to him. Someone who treat him as just Itachi, not the next heir of the clan. She didn't expect anything great from him but just his company. That's why he couldn't afford to lose her. _

_She turned around, her long red hair softly swaying with her movement. Her green eyes stared at him, devoid of emotion._

_Slowly, she walked towards him. When she stopped right in front of him, she raised her arm, two fingers reaching towards his forehead._

_He'd be damned first before he allows her to touch his forehead and utter those words, though this time he knew there'd be no more next times._

_He removed one arm from Sasuke's small delicate body to grasp her wrist, stopping her movement._

_He looked into her green eyes._

_"Your adoptions papers have been finalised this morning. Let's go home."_

_..._

He sat up the bed so quickly the air was knocked out of him. Panting and sweating furiously, onyx eyes were wide open as the details of the dream that awoke him flooded his head.

The dream brought a memory of his own, one that he secretly cherished and held onto during the darkest moments of his life, when all hoped seemed to have faded, and he was left with despair.

A version of that dream—memories, he reminded himself—happened to him too, though he was considerably several years older and he was the one leaving. Not the other way around.

The only difference was that the girl stayed.

Now that he'd confirmed that his dreams were not really dreams but memories of his older brother's past involving another woman—sometimes a girl, when they were younger—Sasuke couldn't help but compare how alike he and Itachi really were, regardless how their circumstances seemed reversed.

On the memory, it was his brother who stopped a friend from leaving, and while Itachi didn't say those three small (yet so damnably threatening) words that were uttered to him when he left the village when he was thirteen, Sasuke knew his older brother held feelings for the red-haired girl.

Sasuke could hear his brother's thoughts during the flashes of the memories, even experience his feelings.

He turned his head towards the nightstand, where a clock sat.

3:28 a.m. Damn, _even the time_ didn't fail to remind him of Sakura.

A sigh escaped his lips. This was the first time a flashback disturbed his sleep, though the pounding in his head decreased.

Those dreams, visions, memories... whatever. He didn't know why he was having them, but it gave him another perspective. He had only been aware of his own point of view, but he never really thought of the other party's feelings. He never considered it as it was never his nature.

Once he became fixated on something, he would selfishly do all he could to achieve it without a care for the world about him.

Now that it was presented to him, through his deceased older brother's memories no less, it gave him an outlook of how Sakura felt. Because the similarity between the roles Itachi and Sakura played could not be denied, just like how his was with that Ayaka.

Ayaka _stayed_ though; he didn't.

If Itachi felt so scared, so desperate, so _hurt _when Ayaka was leaving... how did Sakura feel when he left?

He honestly didn't want to but he couldn't stop to think about it. It didn't help that Sakura's voice overlapped with the dream—he decided to still refer to them as dreams because they still appeared in his sleep.

.

.

.

Sakura looked at him funny when he opened the door that morning, four hours later.

"Didn't get a good night's sleep?"

"Hn."

Sasuke couldn't look at her, he felt ashamed knowing how she felt when she knew he was leaving but could only imagine how worse she felt when he really left.

Nonetheless he immediately noticed the lack of another presence she almost never failed bring.

"Where's Chichi?" He realized he couldn't call his nephew by his brother's name either.

"With Naruto," she chirped, "He wants to have an uncle-nephew bonding."

"At Ichiraku's?"

A pink eyebrow rose as an amused glint danced in her eyes.

"Chichi loves the fishcake."

He snorted. Right, another excuse for the dobe to drown in ramen.

"So what's the agenda for today?" she asked as they entered the kitchen, where Sakura immediately headed to the cupboards to prepare tea.

She was honestly asking him? Wasn't she the one who was in-charge?

"You tell me," he deadpanned, as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"Well... uhm, I was actually hoping if we could skip it today?"

His dark onyx eyes narrowed suspiciously; Sakura do not skip her duties, no matter how small and trivial it was. Something's up, something he knew he wouldn't possibly like.

"Why?"

"I have some business to attend to tonight."

Now that was _vague_. And it only arose Sasuke's curiosity.

"That's still several hours away."

"But it needs preparing for."

"What? A mission?"

"No, nothing big like that," then she paused, obviously hesitating before continuing, "Just a date."

The way she said the last part so nonchalantly only ignited something within him. Something he hadn't felt for a long time.

.

.

.

"Oi, teme. What are we doing here again?" they were standing at a tree branch overlooking the fancy restaurant, where Sakura and her _date_ sat across from each other in a candle-lit dinner.

When the other man didn't answer, Naruto continued quite nervously which should've stricken the Uchiha odd but he didn't because his dark eyes were focused on the two inside the restaurant.

"You know, Sakura-chan doesn't appreciate anyone snooping on her dates. I did it once, you know... during her first date... at least her first date since I came back but I heard she's been dating before I even came back but only because she's too polite to decline... anyway, I did and... we'll, let's just say that the healing abilities of the Kyuubi wasn't enough to heal the injuries I suffered from her fists that I had to be confined in the hospital for three agonizing days."

Sasuke stopped listening the moment he heard "first date".

She dated before? This wasn't the fucking first? He honestly didn't know how to feel about that new piece of information. Holding his nephew left in his care to babysit because his supposed caretaker was in a fucking date tighter, he leapt down from the tree branch and started heading home. He did not even hear the "oi, Sasuke!" Naruto called after him.

He's had enough, and this was just too much—he's not a freaking masochist.

tbc.

* * *

><p>thank you for ALL the <em>amazing reviews! <em>but we try to reach up to 70+? as Christmas gift?

**n**ote(s): i had to watch naruto episode 132 (more than twice) just to get this chapter done and over with—do you guys have no idea how painful it was for me to watch the scene when sasuke left the village? btw, the amount of research i do to make my chapters possible is extremely bothersome. i had to reread chapters and rewatch episodes. but next chapter was probably the most excruciating chapter i've ever written (yet). and i'm already got ideas for the ending...

kk, got a question. so i'm turning eighteen in what? 9 months? you guys think i should save up for it?

**AND! I'd like to recommend to you all an incredibly unique beautiful SasuSaku fanfic by Ichigo Kuroyuki, _The Truth. _Trust me it's so good! SO unique.**

last note! anyone read Kishimoto's latest interview yet? (at likenaruto[dot]com) MORE SASUKE NEXT YEAR! (that's what the interview says!) Yeah!

[reviews are highly appreciated.]


	10. Chapter 10

BIG thanks to those awesome readers who reviewed: Chika Hanabi, RinDey, TurtleDovesRule, Monicalia, babybug, Kaze and Kiba, -chan, minniemousemon, SasuSskuKawaii, maximumride24, mdtiger. hearts, hugs and kisses to y'all

x.

If there was something he has come to notice over the past few weeks, it was the increasing number of his nephew's sneezes and its growing frequency. During that night of restless sleep, he also became aware of the dust building on his bedside table. The ironic wonders of insomnia, huh?

At the cost of sleep deprivation he sees something irrelevant; though maybe it wasn't so as Chichi was also suffering from the neglect of his own abode. Sasuke sighed. Sakura would kill him if the boy gets sick during his watch. Not to mention, it might also cost him the custody of his only living relative.

Yes, he was aware that he couldn't rely on Sakura to raise his brother's child forever but he'd have to be responsible to do so.

As his train of thoughts go down that topic, he wondered how the young boy would grow parentless. Sure he'd be there as the uncle, but not as the father—this thought brought a pang in his chest. Sasuke remembered being the cost of the lack of parental guidance his nephew was going to experience as he grew older.

Not for the first time, Sasuke regretted being so blinded by all the lies orchestrated by everyone about him.

A deeper frown etched the young uncle's lips. How was he supposed to explain, when the time comes, to his nephew why he didn't have a father? Would he be able to stomach telling the boy how his brother eradicated their whole clan? And how in return, he exacted revenge by killing his older brother?

Somehow, the answer found its way to Sasuke in no time. There would be only one simple answer to the absence of his nephew's father:

"He fulfilled his duty as a Shinobi."

It would be as simple as that; no more further explanations. However, he knew he'd be obliged to tell his young nephew about the father he was robbed of and somehow, that thought brought a ghost of smile in Uchiha Sasuke's lips.

The smile didn't linger too long, though; for he was faced with another dilemma.

The mother.

The boy was bound to ask about her too, of course. And he had no idea who she was.

That woman was a mystery.

Well, he knew that woman had _green eyes_ nearly identical to Sakura's though not quite so. Sasuke also had an inkling that the kunoichi he'd been seeing from his brother's memories could be the one.

There seemed to be two women though; both whom possessed green eyes, yet different hair colours.

One had crimson red, while the other had ebony black.

_And Sakura's got pink hair_, the ever annoying voice supplied, _looks like you and your brother had a thing for green eyed women, huh? Runs in the family?_

Sasuke growled lowly, as to not awake the young Uchiha sucking on his milk bottle. Why was it that no matter how hard he tried not to stray to thoughts of _her_, he still ended up thinking about her—as if she was consuming his mind?

Uchiha Sasuke could not believe how pathetic he was being; getting worked up over a girl he used to be able to read like an open book but no more.

The fact that the carefree, clingy twelve-year-old Haruno Sakura was now an enigma to him was disconcerting. He didn't even know where he stood in her life anymore or _if_ he was standing _anywhere_ at all. While they conversed and maintained a cordial atmosphere between them during their sessions and babysitting Chichi together, the rift almost half a decade's separation and a mutual attempt to kill each other caused seemed to be too great to be crossed over through a bridge—if it was even possible to build one between the incredibly big distance.

As his thoughts took another turn, he couldn't help but wonder why and how could possibly anyone who had declared their undying love for someone and offer everything all that they were... lose faith and betray that someone.

Then he thought about his older brother. Itachi assimilated the whole clan because they were a threat to the peace the village was living on; they tried to disrupt the harmony because they seek greater power. And Sasuke was sure his older brother loved the clan, having been dedicated to it.

Itachi killed the clan, _their family_, for the greater good; did this mean Sakura was going to kill him for the greater good too? Did he really fall that deep?

The answer was clear and evident as he recalled in such a clarity the feel of the soft skin of her neck grasped tightly around his fingers, his other hand snatching her kunai to use it to kill her.

A knock on his front door reverberated throughout the silence of his residence.

It was late, past midnight, and he wondered who it could've been when whoever was on the other side of his door spiked their chakra.

Suddenly, he wondered if by some chance he had somehow gained the ability to conjure his pink-haired (former) teammate merely out of his thoughts. After all, this wouldn't be the first time she'd appear on his doorstep while he was thinking about her.

After hastily making sure that the child was beleaguered with pillows so he wouldn't fall should he decide to roll around the queen-sized bed while his uncle was gone, Sasuke answered the door immediately.

Whatever thoughts he was having though flew out the door opened. The sight of her left _him_ speechless. She was obviously just on her way home from her date—not that he thinks that his apartment was her home—as she was still wearing the glittering skimpy red dress she was wearing during her date.

When a pink eyebrow raised at his (obviously) dumbstuck expression, he snapped out of his daze.

After clearing his throat rather awkwardly, he moved to the side and motioned her inside.

"What brings you here?" it's late, he wanted to add but four syllables was too much even for him.

They arrived in his living room, where she had flopped down his couch. She had a faraway look on her eyes.

Neither spoke in a while, creating an awkward silence between them.

Sasuke only watched her as she finally pulled her lips into a thin line before speaking.

Green eyes looked up to him, and there was _something_ that he couldn't fathom about the look in her eyes.

"Sasuke," she started, hesitating then she stood up, "never mind."

Even after the door closed, his eyes didn't find the will to.

.

.

.

The following morning, deprived of sleep and confronted with thoughts of a pink-haired woman who stumbled in his house only several hours before, Sasuke heard knocking on his door again.

Only he knew, it couldn't have been Sakura. Because even though she possessed unrivalled strength, she'd never pound on his door like _that_.

There was only one person who had the guts to pound on his door that loud.

The _dobe_.

At this knowledge, the Uchiha grudgingly approached his door to open it. Apparently though his supposed best friend had little to no patience and decided to the slam the door open.

"Sasuke!"

A pair of onyx eyes glared.

"Sasuke! Sasuke!"

A vein became visible on his forehead.

"Do you know what day is today?"

Silence.

"Oi, are you listening to me, teme?"

Sasuke, who had little tolerance to noise, couldn't stand the loudness of the Uzumaki, finally responded.

"What now, dobe?"

"Oh, you were listening? Great! Today is the eve of the fourth anniversary of the Shinobi Alliance. So I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with the guys tomor—"

"I'm still in probation," apparently that was the wrong answer because the grin on Naruto's face brightened even more. And his blue eyes shone in what seemed like mischief.

"So... does that mean you're going to go, if you're allowed to?"

With nothing else to say, because honestly, he was just being polite by _not_ directly declining the invitation, he gave a typical Uchiha Sasuke response that was vague.

"Hn."

.

Seven hours later found Sasuke relieved of his babysitting duty as Sakura arrived during the afternoon to get Chichi to prepare for the celebratory festival but still on probation. As it happens, even Naruto wasn't able to convince the Hokage to allow him to go out—"punishment is punishment was what the old had told me! Can you believe it?"

Somehow, he was thankful for it. He honestly didn't want to go out and mingle with the villagers he almost killed the way his older brother massacred their clan. He also didn't want to take part in a celebration to which wouldn't be happening had he not seen the light.

Sasuke just contented himself inside his apartment, and seated by the window to watch the festivities from afar.

It was late; the sun had long since set and it was well into the night when he saw from his window. The festivities were long over after it ended with fireworks. So imagine his surprise when he caught sight of a pink-head—her hair was lit up by the street lamp she passed as she walked—through the dark streets of the village, pushing the navy blue trolley.

When he clandestinely followed her, he did not know what he was expecting but he wasn't expecting to be lead to a secluded corner of Konoha memorial during the middle of the night.

Sakura headed towards a a pair of erected rectangle stones standing next to each other.

He wondered why she'd be visiting a grave in the middle of the night

tbc.

**n**ote(s): so uhm, i'm not really happy with this chapter. it's very troublesome to the point of having to rewrite this for three times and i'm still _not_ satisfied with it but i thought, hey the last time you updated was during Christmas and you promised your viewers a new year's chapter and it's almost sakura's bday—so i'm incredibly sorry for the long delay! and i'm quite desperate to finish this because i want to start a new one that is alternate universe (because the canon world makes me go crazy .)


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